My former colleagues at the Institute for PostApocology and the Center for PostApocalypse Studies have spent countless hours, wasting time splitting hairs over the niceties of the Apocalypse, pouring jet black coffee down their wretched gullets. Was "Peak Oil" or "Peak Resources" the right term? What about "Climate Change" or "Climate Warming"? Should the gathering horrors be treated as independent shrikes, or as a complex flock of predators, swooping down? Must there be a unifying theory like Confuturism or Confluentialism for our "messages"?

The blather just got too much. The more we studied and tabulated and deconstructed and modeled, the more obvious it became to me that there was absolutely nothing we could do. I kept telling them: "By the time you can actually see the effects of global warming, it's too late," but they wouldn't listen. Kept bickering and nattering on about analytic models.

Finally, I said, "just fuck it," and walked out.

It's that simple. And that's how I came up with my own "theoretical paradigm." Not "confuturism." Not "confluentialism." Instead, a practical paradigm for living:

Conjustfuckitism.

Get rich. Get laid. Make hay.